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The links of insanity and heart

That fine moment of his return

That fine moment of his return

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The Everyday of Life

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Waking up at 9 am and going.. “Shoot!” as you scramble and struggle to wake yourself up to be in time for school. You run out of the bathroom and look at the clock and you’re more late than ever! You hastily pack your bag-pack and hop around with one sock on your foot and uncombed hair. You look around for your shoes and spot them and as you bend over to get them, you fall over and hurt your knee. You’re effort on wearing that one sock went in vein as if flew dramatically off your foot to the other side of the floor like a parachute. You grab that and attempt again to put your shoes on. You comb your tangled hair and tie it untidily around your head and grab a piece of toast and your out the door.

You get on the bus and step on a stick of gum and have a hard time getting it off. When you reach school you’re given the death glare by the principal who questions you’re tardiness. You look at the floor without an explanation. “Get to class” and so you do. All those eyes starting at you as if to say “Ooo, busted!” You look away and find an empty spot and sit down. At class, you forget your notebook and that doubles your embarrassment. At the end of class you sigh and lay your head on the table. Your friends come to you and bring assurance of everything falling into place without it falling apart. At recess you hang with your friends and take a load off. You joke with them and suddenly everything melts away for that moment with you anxiously thinking “How long will it last?”

As school ends, you head back home in the scorching heat and get a bad sunburn. You’re upset because you aren’t allowed to play soccer. You watch T.V but there’s nothing good on. You get yelled at for your grades not meeting your parents “expectations” and as a result face the consequences  on their “disappointment”. You float yourself to a place beyond consciousness and find your happy place. You listen to the music you most love and feel solitude and let your imagination take you to the very finest of destinations… Then you’re snapped back to reality by grumpy parents who would appreciate if you cleaned your room. Once again, you do as your told but when no one’s looking you make little bunnies with the bed covers. You never really did get the approval of people for being creative. It was always about “education is them most important thing” for which you said otherwise. You take out your drawing book and make a pretty sketch but then you begin to question your ability and say “Hey, their right… I’m not good enough” and rip it up and dispose of what could have been worth millions someday (Well, we all have the right to dream). Your day ends and you fall asleep again (You’re only real time of peace).

And I with my tangled hair and sloppy ways will rub my eyes the next morning and look at the few glares of the freshly arisen morning sun and smile gently to myself and tiredly carry myself through the next day with all my imperfections and take life as it comes. Yes, I’d do it all over again just to be appreciative of the fact that I do have another day to live.

High School

Today I’m not gonna be all poetic and just write things as they are. Well, we’ve all been to high school and had our own experiences. Some good; others bad. Somewhere down the line we’ve had to feel peer pressure and want to “fit in”. We’ve been bullied or laughed at, we’ve had crazy moments with friends and loads of laughter. But there are days we’re alone and sad and feel the need to break free and isolate ourselves from the world and just take out some time for ourselves and think and try to figure out who we are and where we’re going.

Give or take, high school is what it is. But at the end of the day, it forms and structures us and it is that yellow brick road to our future. It moulds us further into becoming the people that we truly are. You may lose friends along the way and gain better one’s later. There’s no telling what’ll happen! I just so happened to have graduated school and now I’m gonna be “out in the real world” as they say. From the country I come from, it’s very important to get into college – without which it is almost impossible to get a good paying job or a job at all. I’m in that transitional phase. The feeling is… Metamorphic. I’m trying to get over this stress I’ve been feeling for the past one month. Asking myself questions like “What if college isn’t everything I thought it would be? “What if I don’t make friends?” “What if I don’t like my course and can’t get a job later?” Problem is, everyone these days have to think about this and the risk of doing something and if it poses as a threat to their career.

Currently what has been giving me sleepless nights is the fact that someone I know who got just a 50% over all managed to get into college then too in the English Honours department. And I’m thinking to myself… “How is that even possible?” Honours courses are really tough and require a minimum of 70% (emphasis on the minimum part). So how…? Is life really that unfair? I’ll get the answer to that later.

Sigh… The sorrow of being 17. I’ll miss it later but now, I’m not too thrilled about it. Well, I’ve done my worst by making this sound like it came out of a typical teenage girl’s diary but well, I needed somewhere to vent I suppose. It’s one of those days where you’d sit on the couch at home and turn on the T.V and have your mind drift off on a little cloud of thought while you sit there hogging on your chips and a candy bar in your pyjamas. I so hope I get into college. That’s all I want right now.Oh the intimidation! I wish a giant rainbow would appear taking me to the pearly gates where I met God and did our secret handshake and just found happiness. Why is this happening to me? -_-

Oh well, I guess that’s it for today. Kind of an abrupt ending but I can’t exactly access my train of thought right now. I do hope for some advice though.

The Insight For Today

“Well lets see what art form the universe will turn this situation into ” my friend said on Facebook today. He was having trouble with a friend and was at the risk of losing a friend. So he left his anger and problems to the decision of the universe. I said to him (this is the extract from the actual conversation) : “Universe huh? When you die, every speck of dust that is you, is returned to the universe and becomes a part of the soil we’re on. Did it ever occur to you that you are a part of the universe? So hence, while “living” so to speak, you get the right to choices that comprise the universe. Think of yourself as a fragment of dust.. which everyone is, really. Now when that dust comes to life your body is formed. You then gain intelligence and rationality… The universe has a tiny part of you in it. Since the dust makes you and you make the universe, you have a voice (literally). You have choices. You can choose what you want to do or how you wish to categorize something. Hence this incident isn’t up to the universe to make right but you. And why? Cause through out your living and being, you’ve made decisions. So why should the universe decide what to do with the situation that You created? The universe makes you and you create obstacles. Or they just happen. Either way, you are responsible for it as long as it’s in your path. The end of that path is light – It’s like an eclipse”

Emptiness

As dusk arises for another day,

She wakes abruptly to the noise.

The sky is speechless; no words to say,

She must retain composure.

The dawn shuts down the day again,

The moon is now just sleeping,

For stillness wakes, her only friend…

The flowers now are weeping.

There is no reason why they left –

No clue is to be found.

In the rock, she is the cleft,

the emptiness around.

In a prayer, trembling, seeking,

Words cannot express.

For in the sunrise, hurrying, keeping

Past and Present’s Regret.

A Silent Thought

Life is a whole other world as opposed to death. What are we doing? Who are we..? These are rhetoric’s that we often ask ourselves. The depth of the human soul has no boundaries. Where do we go when we die? What do we do when we get there? Our mind is a tool that we should use wisely. Emotion runs parallel with it. Our experiences account for the self that we so choose to become. The familiarities of instances that are bad are surrounding the narrow horizons of good. We challenge ourselves. Ask ourselves how we push ourselves forward when we refuse to really do so.

The real question here is what is faith? When the human mind and spirit are shattered by darkness to which there is no light or hope. The definition of hope itself is vague and relative. To most, it is the belief held on to by an individual that despite their exterior difficulties, they will be delivered from it either by an external force or by a higher power respectively. To others it is a mystery. What really is faith? Our choosing to believe in something we are taught? Or does it go deeper than that? Epiphanies occur in our minds when we let things be. That state of segregation from what is external becomes a source of power that our soul feeds off. Nothingness is attained and freedom to no bounds are achieved. Faith is to me, when you are in a state of acceptance of what is and the knowledge that life is. When we accept, we see things absolute and in their states unchanged or manipulated. We learn to live with that – bad or good, and just breathe. Faith is when you can learn to live with things that hurt or destroy you. Things you fear. Why then do we so choose to run from the empty hollow or questions that we ask ourselves? If we question “why?”, we will be stuck with the question and no answer all our lives. What matters is how you  let yourself levitate above regular thought to open your mind to something bigger. A new prospect, so to speak. The world on it’s own will make more sense and things will get better.